A lot of couples start keeping score, and comparing who has it worse/cleaned more poop/got less sleep/has to feed the baby with their boobs (AH HA! I am going home with this baby I do not like at all. In fact, it's OK if you hate having a newborn. I am a 1st time mom, SAHM, suffering from depression. Maybe that would be better than all of this, though. I pump and get four ounces! My husband goes back to work and I am alone with this child I hate. He will not have it. My husband is embarrassed and hushes me. I am just getting through each moment and trying to make him shut up when he cries. By two weeks old we are professionals!I look at my baby and realized I really really love him more than my own life and I cry with relief. I hate having to keep watch over them when friends come over to play. I do not want to go pick him up. Same with booking all the baby’s medical appointments, buying his clothes, and generally knowing what he needed to survive. I feel empty and sad. I hate this baby that was so wanted. You need other people in your life for support, friendship and a shoulder to cry on. I never have. He won't nurse. It feels unnatural and stupid! This boy has taught me so much and I now know I can face anything and that I was meant to be a mother! I’ve heard it all at this point. I syringe feed then pump every two hours around the clock. I am told the child is developing jaundice. It pisses me off to have to do it. My life changed from being free and independent, being able to pick up and go anywhere, to having a life depending on me. Sign up to get the best in wellness, relationships, royals, food and more on Wednesdays and Sundays. The baby still will not latch on. Maybe I really can be a mother, and a good one! My body has changed over the years and I know hers has too, but having a baby didn't make her less attractive. After years of busting my ass professionally and doing all kinds of personal work to get happy in my own skin, I truly like myself. Overnight, I’d morphed from an ambitious workaholic to a walking milk dispenser. First, that I had a little resentment that I go through all the shit of pregnancy, childbirth and then taking care of the baby (yes my husband tries to help as much as possible but still). However close you were before the baby … After a short while I hand the baby off to my husband and I cry myself to sleep. I try every feeding but still nothing. A sliver of hope appears when I start to finally produce two teaspoons of colostrum every pumping. And then, the best sound in the world, followed by the worst: my husband’s key in the front door, and then his voice saying, “Just need to run to the bathroom.”. All we did was fight, and we had little in the way of sexual intimacy. I am causing this because my body won't produce any milk! It is not frustration, sadness, or general malaise. To have the tap turned off, without warning, after 10 years together, is the most devastating, painful thing. All I feel after a 22 hour labor (six of which I were in the transition phase), is relief that it is over. 'I just hate my life now, the sleep deprivation, the drudgery, the monotony, and I feel so guilty and ashamed for feeling this way. Only hate. I have low energy from little sleep, low iron, a lot of pain and this struggle with feeding. But, that’s easier said than done when you’re in the trenches. Why won't by body cooperate? Eventually, the baby started sleeping through the night. He still will not eat from me. “It’s a major identity shift for all parents,” she says, as I feel the cortisol starting to lower. Having experienced the same feeling for a few years, I now know the grief was over being childless, or more poignantly, over the loss of the baby I never held in my arms. Why did I choose to become a mother? I had spent my life around kids. I see a pregnant lady and say to my husband loudly “sucker, she doesn't even know what's coming..” and I laugh and laugh. We go on to have four more babies, including twins, over the next five years. I hate changing diapers. Turns out new parents don't handle change all that well. You can also follow her on . He probably knows I hate him. Throwawaycat Tue 23-May-17 14:23:18. On the 6th month I realised I wasn't ready and there is a lot I want to do with my life still. It is pure hate that I feel, then the guilt. I pretend everything is great. When I found out I was having a girl I immediately wanted to name her after my grandmother. I must be doing this wrong. I personally it is so many different things. I feel empty and sad. I go to the clinic for a baby checkup. My boobs kill. I've always known I want a family. I pump after every failed feeding attempt. Oh, go right ahead. The National Childbirth Trust (NCT) has more information about changes in your relationships after having a baby. He can feel my stress but I cannot calm my anxiety. I feel as if I have been hit by a truck. Why are they letting me take him home? So now no one can take a dump in peace, but at least the score is even. After I found out I was pregnant I freaked out so much, and in my head I just knew that from this day on my life and social reputation was going to be COMPLETELY different. And eventually, that baby grew into a toddler who figured out how to open doors and became obsessed with watching his parents go to the bathroom. She … It feels weird and uncomfortable when I try so I stop. That nurse saved me from my despair. I don't feel joy or love. We’ve given you the brutally honest truth about postpartum hair loss, postpartum sex, the gross things no one warns you about, and sleep (or lack thereof). I am mad at him. Women with the baby blues tend to see their symptoms subside after only a few weeks, but women with postpartum depression (PPD) tend to suffer from more severe mood swings or extreme sadness for much longer. I didn't know being a mum would be this horrible and make me feel so trapped. It is not frustration, sadness, or general malaise. We went on date nights. I realize at that moment I have not spoken one word to this child since he was born. Wow! Just when you think you have this whole parenting gig figured out, the second baby comes along and life gets a lot more interesting. I cry because I ruined my life. Regret baby and hate my life (45 Posts) Add message | Report. I attempt to wash dishes and when he starts to cry I stand at the sink frozen and I cry thinking “not again”. To end fibroid pain, this writer decided to get a hysterectomy at age 41. He is wailing. “I had this negative image of what it would be like from popular culture. In the end, it wasn’t my new baby’s daily poops, but my husband’s that pushed me over the edge. My doctor is encouraging about me continuing to try nursing. For Sophie, maintaining a social life after having a baby was a big deal. Nothing comes out. We used to have a vigorous sex life - three to four times a week. She supports that decision. My baby is 8-months now. My husband agreed. Take your time. According to Mind, between 10 and 15 per cent of new mothers experience more than the usual 'baby blues', in the form of postnatal depression. She is my kindred spirit. I still hate this baby. Then, he’d come home to an angry-AF wife, and a baby who said his first words without him. I want to jump up and down with joy. When my daughter was born, I … I have a wave of joy come over me, but still no love when I gaze in my baby's direction. Maybe we can actually do this, my sweet baby and I. Because I have. Why did I decide to ruin my life this way? If you suspect you’re suffering from PPD, speak to your doctor immediately. Have you ever contemplated divorce over your partner’s bathroom habits? I am still pumping and still nothing is coming out. I am told it can take up to three days and not to worry. 1 slept through the night. Me and hubby were trying for 6 months. less satisfied with their marriage after having a baby. I despise this whole process. You don't have to go through a bad break up or think your ex is horrible, to be thankful that the two of you went in different directions and have separate lives, now. Two thirds of parents are less satisfied with their marriage after having a baby, according to a widely-cited 2011 study by famous couples’ therapists, John and Julie Gottman. She blogs about the adventures and mishaps that occur in her family life. Pile on that the utter exhaustion of raising a baby who didn’t sleep unless he was held, the financial strain of having a new kid, and the fact that both my husband and I were in the middle of switching careers, and it got real ugly, real fast. I cry because I ruined my life. “EAT FROM ME, BABY!” is what I want to scream at this little person that I hate. He cries a lot. I still have nothing at all coming out. And if the frequent rants in my private mom Facebook groups tell me anything, it’s that I’m not alone. I had a precious little boy 22 months ago and although I love him to bits, I had a hard time dealign wight he fact that I was pregnant. Now that my first baby is 5 and my second is 2, my husband and I have (mostly) gotten over the shock of new parenthood. He treated me very poorly after I delivered by c-section. I do everything, clean the flat, look after the baby, cook for him and me. ... she assures me that it’s normal to feel some resentment toward your other half after you have a child (or two). I’d been on maternity leave for approximately 100 years, and every day looked the same: watch husband leave for work, clean baby’s poopy diaper a million times, breastfeed baby for a million hours, chase baby away from stairs for a million hours, text husband that it would be cool if he put up the DAMN BABY GATES BEFORE OUR KID GOES TO COLLEGE, hold baby for his naps, slap my own face to try to keep my eyes open, cry while binge-eating brownies, wonder if you can die of burst bladder/boredom/the stress of keeping a baby alive 24/7. I talk and sing to him and show him my love in every way possible. I have to forcefully push his face into my breast and after five minutes of wailing he actually latches on and starts sucking. I don't even say his name. Will he ever? It totally sucks. Still no love, and I haven't told anyone how I am feeling. What kind of mother hates her baby? She writes a blog titled . I hate my husband! Plus, I can see now that my husband wasn’t exactly having the time of his life that year, either. Now, we want to tackle a little-discussed but often-experienced side effect of bringing a life into this world: resenting your partner. I have a lot of people in my corner but I still feel so alone. I know it, but my body just isn't making enough for him. I loved pregnancy so much I didn't want it to end. Not a word. Consider … I wrote this story because I know I am not the only one that does not feel an immediate bond with her child. Heather Holter November 1, 2018 Postpartum, October 2002: After one-and-a-half hours of pushing, an emergency vacuum extraction and a broken tailbone, all I could say when they told me it's a boy is “He's out!”. But until I had my own, I had no concept of how constantly demanding it is to care for them. Once you have a baby, you become painfully aware that your life now revolves around this little helpless being who needs you—and who despite having a pretty simple existence (eating, sleeping, pooping) needs round-the-clock care and undivided attention. I wish I could have made it the nine more days until my due date. I continue to pump after every feeding. She already had two children, so the deep feeling of loss after her hysterectomy was surprising. I hate my life for being sad all day and having no desire for anything I hate to always think badly of the people and not to trust anyone I hate that whenever someone does not write me, tell me that cannot stay, or takes longer to answer a text message or answer me shortly… always think that is because of an adverse feeling towards me The nurse hands my this tiny human with a cone shaped head that I do not recognize. My lovely husband, who had always supported me in my writing career (whether that meant cooking dinner most nights or moving across the country with me for a newspaper gig), was suddenly the only breadwinner. I feel like a failure. Change was definitely a big part of my own resentment. I hold my baby all day everyday on the couch and continue to try to nurse and bond with this creature I created. “I was one of the first in my circle of friends to have a baby,” she says. Year after year, I have grown to love this boy so much more than I ever dreamed possible. I can not believe it worked. I hate driving some of them to school. I got pregnant at age 15, by my then-boyfriend Jason after I lost my virginity to him, he was 17. Eventually, I went back to work and our roles balanced back out (and we had money again). My baby is a beautiful 4 month old. Um ... story continues below. I hate this baby I loved and was excited for my entire pregnancy. WATCH: Does having a baby make you resent your partner? He was up with the baby as much as I was, then he had to drive to work and be productive afterward (although, in my eyes, that seemed like a treat compared to chasing a poop-monster off the stairs all day). I hate having to take them to sports or activities so they're not bored. It is pure hate that I feel, then the guilt. I assumed that’s how it was because none of … He needs some formula. Nothing works. I am 25 my partner is 30, we will be married soon and we BOTH ( including me i should say ) want to have a baby after we are married, we are prime age, would like to have 2 before i am 30 so it will be perfect timing and everything i have ever dreamed of! I fear they will take him away or put me in a mental hospital if I speak up. The flat HAS to be clean so I'm constantly cleaning, cooking or looking after … “I named my daughter after Grandma anyway. Here's a newsflash for you: it's OK if you don't love the newborn stage. Today he is 12 and my pride and joy. Eventually, things got easier. ... I’m adept at doing things in the rest of my life … I tell my husband I want lots and lots of babies. What kind of psycho mother has these thoughts? When you write a book with a title like How Not to Hate Your Husband After Kids, people are going to tell you things.Private things. I'm a SAHM. He is hungry. I wish I could have made it the nine more days until my due date. Within a year I moved to a new country, got married, and had a baby boy. The reason for all that discontent mostly boils down to change: to your identity, your sex life, the division of labour, and the stress that comes along with all that change. Please share this with anyone you think may need encouragement that things do get better, better than they can even imagine! I hold my baby all day everyday on the couch and continue to try nursing, trying to some. Forcefully push his face into my breast and after five minutes of he... 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